Burn Notice

I'm a basketball fan in a love/hate relationship with the pro game. It's been that way since I got home from elementary school on a Thursday in November of 1991, turned on the TV to find some cartoons, and watched Magic Johnson tell me he was retiring from the NBA because of a positive HIV test. Literally telling me [ed. note: keep in mind that I was about two weeks away from my eighth birthday at the time]. Something about that moment--that weepy scene on the television that interrupted my after school routine and felt all too personal--triggered a sea change in the way I would come to view the NBA. This is not to say I completely turned on the game of pro basketball. Hell, I have a framed Kobe Bryant jersey hanging on my wall. I simply started to take it less seriously. A seminal moment in the development of my fanhood, if you will. Actually, this was probably a good thing given that taking today's NBA seriously is like reading Dianetics as a non-fictional account of the human condition. Wait... what? People actually do both of those things??? Fucking sheep. I only wish it wasn't spurred on by Magic's untimely retirement.

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That being said, the 58th annual NBA All-Star Game took place this past weekend in Phoenix, AZ and there were just enough entertaining moments to compel me to post a trio of worthwhile clips for your viewing pleasure.

First, Shaquille O'Neal. The Big Fella/Diesel/Aristotle/Cactus/Legendary was selected by the coaches to make his 15th-and-likely-final NBA All-Star appearance, and the significance was not lost on Shaq-Fu. Always the showman, Shaq teamed up with the season one champs of "America's Best Dance Crew," Jabbawockeez, to orchestrate a player introduction that even the most charismatic professional wrestler [ed. note: with the exception of Scott Steiner, of course] would be unable to match. I give you "Shaqawockeez":





Next up, the explanation for the title of this post. It basically involves Kevin Garnett, Craig Sager, one of Sager's fantastic one-of-a-kind suit ensembles, and live television. Great interview, or greatest interview?





As my brother Steve put it, "...why is he trying to be the Don Cherry of the NBA?" I love Craig Sager, yo.

To bring things full circle and return to my love/hate situation with professional basketball, this last clip isn't from the All-Star Game, but rather a Golden State Warriors practice from this very season. It is awesome on many levels, and pretty much sums up the current state of the NBA while also accounting for the Warriors' 19-35 record as of this writing:





There's no possible way I can add to that, so let's just wrap it up here.


(HT: Ball Don't Lie)

Catching Up: Quick Hits & Clips

Had a lot going on recently, thus the dearth of posts and new content. Unfortunately, it looks like this might now be the rule--as opposed to the exception. We'll see. In the meantime, I've got a pretty nice selection of Quick Hits and Clips to run through.

Let's get started with some breaking news.

Quick Hits

[So you're sayin' there's a chance?!?!]

Obamamania rages on.

Today was a good one for the big "O." Here's the haul:

WASHINGTON - Sen. Barack Obama swept the Louisiana primary and caucuses in Nebraska and Washington state Saturday night, slicing into Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton's slender delegate lead in their historic race for the Democratic presidential nomination.

The Illinois senator also won caucuses in the Virgin Islands, completing his best night of the campaign.

His winning margins were substantial, ranging from roughly two-thirds of the vote in Washington state and Nebraska to nearly 90 percent in the Virgin Islands.

Riiiiiiight nehhhhhhr deh beeeeeach, boiiiiiii!!!!! Today the Virgin Islands, tomorrow the world!!!!!!


Dan Snyder probably has better grass than me...

...because I see no other excuse for this:

WASHINGTON (AP) -- The Washington Redskins hired Jim Zorn as their coach Saturday night, a surprise ending to a monthlong search for a replacement for Joe Gibbs.

"I've always dreamed of being a head coach with a franchise rich in tradition like the Redskins," Zorn said in a team news release. "As a player who had to fight Redskins teams at RFK as well as at our home field, I know about the history of this franchise as well as the passion of its fans. I won't let you down."

Jim Zorn?! I'm glad I'm not a Redskins fan. I think Dan Snyder should write a book called "Reverse-Moneyball: The Art of Losing a Fair Game." Nobody wants to be like Billy Beane anyway. Seriously though, Jim Zorn? I guess Snyder sensed the sincerity in his "I won't let you down" and figured a guy that noble had no business being a quarterbacks coach in Seattle for 7 years:

"We're proud that our search was diligent, thorough, and resulted in today's announcement," owner Dan Snyder said. "Jim's track record and reputation as a player, great teacher, and as a coach makes us confident that they will translate to success for the Redskins."

Zorn, a former Seattle quarterback, was the Seahawks' quarterbacks coach for the last seven years. The Redskins hired him to be their offensive coordinator--his highest coaching position until now--on Jan. 26 while continuing their search for a head coach.

I know he wasn't going for the bargain--this is a guy who uses hundred dollar bills to make sure the battery in his office paper shredder still works. Let's see, he could have hypothetically hired Greg Williams, Al Saunders, Tony Sparano, Jim Fassel, or Steve Spagnuolo, and Danny boy settled--after a month-long "search"--on a warm body to coach his $1.5 billion investment. But hey, at least he knows Zorn 'won't let him down.'


The Neuheisel Era.

Keeping with the Seattle theme here, many thanks to my buddy (and Husky Truther) Kenjar for sending me this four-part feature on Rick Neuheisel's tenure at U-Dub. We had this "Jerramy Stevens sighting" running joke on our fantasy football message board all season, and part two of the feature discusses Stevens' troubled times at UW--with some nice depth on our personal favorite: the time Jerramy Stevens raped a freshman in the bushes outside Kenjar's frat house.

[UW's Greek Row, where, at about 3 AM on June 4, 2000, a student witnessed a possible rape in progress outside the Kappa Sigma house and called 911]

From Stevens to Spellman.

Unlike Jerramy Stevens, Alonzo Spellman has some pretty strong justification for getting arrested last month: he's a Buckeye. They can't help it. Here's The M Zone's write-up on Spellman's latest run-in with the law:

Former Buckeye first round draft pick Alonzo "I smile for mugshots" Spellman was arrested Wednesday in Tulsa after leading police on a chase which ended with the cops having to fire pepper-spray bullets into his vehicle after he refused to exit.

According to the AP story linked above, Spellman was booked into the Tulsa County Jail on complaints of eluding, assault with a deadly weapon on a police officer, resisting arrest and driving without a license.

Police said the most damning evidence against the ex-Tosu great was was the full Beard & Buckstache he was sporting at the time of his arrest.

Yost wasn't joking about the 'smiling for mugshots' thing. Just look at this goon's booking photo:

["Is this the free 5 o'clock crack giveaway?"]

Typical Buckeye meatball.


WSJ pooping Rickey's party.

Sadly, the Wall Street Journal recently decided to kill off one of the great stories from the career of Major League Baseball player Rickey Henderson. In avoidance of stealing someone else's thunder, follow this link to read The Big Lead's synopsis of The Journal's dastardly plans. For further reading on Rickey's career tales, see the Must-Reads section in the right sidebar for a link to The Definitive Rickey Henderson.

Clips

I'm not going to waste much time with the lead-ins. The clips in this selection stand on their own merits.


Berman Gone Wild.

Chances are most of you have seen the following footage already. Still, I would be remiss if it didn't make its way on to The Effrontery. It's an outtake from about 7 years ago, featuring Chris "He could. Go. All. The. Way." Berman getting pretty testy with the production crew during an ESPN taping. Enjoy:





In case the clip ever gets taken off YouTube, this Deadspin post has a permanent embed.


Election redux.

Déjà vu all over again:





Funny stuff. I'm not anti-Hillary, but there's a lot of Tracy Flick goin' on there.


Dance Dance RevObama.

Thanks galore to Joncheeler for sending me this clip from E!'s The Soup:





He's a maniac, maniac, on the floor. And he's dancing like he's never danced before. Hey, speaking of maniacs...


Stop The Insanity.

The Tom Cruise Scientology indoctrination video is old (insofar as entertainment news goes), but I watched it again today and am still amazed. What a wacko. Of course, those pesky Scientologists had it yanked off YouTube within a day, meaning that you must follow this link to the Defamer post with the permanent embed if you wish to view the madness of King Cruise.



Until next time.

That's all I've got for now. Not sure when I'll be able to resume regular posting, so I hope today's offering tides you over until then.

Peace and afro grease.

A 20 Year Old Prediction

I was fully rooting for the Packers against the Giants in last week's NFC Championship Game. Even when the Giants were about to put the game away in regulation, I was feeling pretty confident that the Pack would rally and find a way to pull it out. The game was in Green Bay in mid-January for crying out loud. So when the contest wound up in overtime, I thought Favre was Super Bowl bound for the third time in his career. Done and done. "No way the Giants are winning this one" was my comment to a buddy. That same friend replied back, "dude, the G-men were done from the start...nobody thought they would win anyway."

Nobody except Prince Akeem of Zamunda, who made his prediction way back in 1988:





Wow. How did I miss that one? He totally nailed the call, right down to the winning Lawrence Tynes field goal. I would have been a lot less disappointed in the outcome of the game if I had bothered to ask Akeem for some pre-game prognostication.

Clips

It's raining today, so how about a bunch of sick clips you haven't seen in a while? Is that something you might be interested in?

[Clips!]

Pre-Super Bowl XLII tribute to Randy Moss. Man, I totally forgot about this old Nike ad with the vintage Moss footage. Great stuff. White Chocolate makes an appearance too:







Mike Legg flashback. The Wolverines have the No. 1 hockey team in the country right now, so this is as good a time as any to bring up Mike Legg. Every time ESPN runs a 'greatest highlights' type show, the top-5 always features this classic move from 1996, known forevermore as "The Michigan Move":





It's also worth noting that the goal you just witnessed took place with Michigan down 2-1 to powerhouse Minnesota in the '96 western regional finals. The Wolverines went on to win the game 4-3, and ultimately claimed the National Championship.




Tracy Morgan Extravaganza. The dude just makes me laugh. Period. I'm actually considering a trip to the local cinema for a viewing of "First Sunday," but that's another story altogether. Regardless, I doubt any of his new work could touch some of the gems he's previously been responsible for. Remember those NBA2K video game ads from a few years ago...





"Wrong direction, bro." That shit always cracks me up. Almost as much as his conversation with "W. Sapp":





Watch it again. No, really, watch it again. It's incredibly good. Now, here's Tracy live and pregnant on the WGN morning news:





Okay, those were just some quickies leading up to this extended batch of "how to be black" tutorials [ed. note: the clip is from "Totally Awesome," a terrible movie with about nine minutes of worthy dialogue/content that you can find right here]:




I'm laughing too hard to cap this post in any meaningful way.