Catching Up: Quick Hits & Clips

Had a lot going on recently, thus the dearth of posts and new content. Unfortunately, it looks like this might now be the rule--as opposed to the exception. We'll see. In the meantime, I've got a pretty nice selection of Quick Hits and Clips to run through.

Let's get started with some breaking news.

Quick Hits

[So you're sayin' there's a chance?!?!]

Obamamania rages on.

Today was a good one for the big "O." Here's the haul:

WASHINGTON - Sen. Barack Obama swept the Louisiana primary and caucuses in Nebraska and Washington state Saturday night, slicing into Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton's slender delegate lead in their historic race for the Democratic presidential nomination.

The Illinois senator also won caucuses in the Virgin Islands, completing his best night of the campaign.

His winning margins were substantial, ranging from roughly two-thirds of the vote in Washington state and Nebraska to nearly 90 percent in the Virgin Islands.

Riiiiiiight nehhhhhhr deh beeeeeach, boiiiiiii!!!!! Today the Virgin Islands, tomorrow the world!!!!!!


Dan Snyder probably has better grass than me...

...because I see no other excuse for this:

WASHINGTON (AP) -- The Washington Redskins hired Jim Zorn as their coach Saturday night, a surprise ending to a monthlong search for a replacement for Joe Gibbs.

"I've always dreamed of being a head coach with a franchise rich in tradition like the Redskins," Zorn said in a team news release. "As a player who had to fight Redskins teams at RFK as well as at our home field, I know about the history of this franchise as well as the passion of its fans. I won't let you down."

Jim Zorn?! I'm glad I'm not a Redskins fan. I think Dan Snyder should write a book called "Reverse-Moneyball: The Art of Losing a Fair Game." Nobody wants to be like Billy Beane anyway. Seriously though, Jim Zorn? I guess Snyder sensed the sincerity in his "I won't let you down" and figured a guy that noble had no business being a quarterbacks coach in Seattle for 7 years:

"We're proud that our search was diligent, thorough, and resulted in today's announcement," owner Dan Snyder said. "Jim's track record and reputation as a player, great teacher, and as a coach makes us confident that they will translate to success for the Redskins."

Zorn, a former Seattle quarterback, was the Seahawks' quarterbacks coach for the last seven years. The Redskins hired him to be their offensive coordinator--his highest coaching position until now--on Jan. 26 while continuing their search for a head coach.

I know he wasn't going for the bargain--this is a guy who uses hundred dollar bills to make sure the battery in his office paper shredder still works. Let's see, he could have hypothetically hired Greg Williams, Al Saunders, Tony Sparano, Jim Fassel, or Steve Spagnuolo, and Danny boy settled--after a month-long "search"--on a warm body to coach his $1.5 billion investment. But hey, at least he knows Zorn 'won't let him down.'


The Neuheisel Era.

Keeping with the Seattle theme here, many thanks to my buddy (and Husky Truther) Kenjar for sending me this four-part feature on Rick Neuheisel's tenure at U-Dub. We had this "Jerramy Stevens sighting" running joke on our fantasy football message board all season, and part two of the feature discusses Stevens' troubled times at UW--with some nice depth on our personal favorite: the time Jerramy Stevens raped a freshman in the bushes outside Kenjar's frat house.

[UW's Greek Row, where, at about 3 AM on June 4, 2000, a student witnessed a possible rape in progress outside the Kappa Sigma house and called 911]

From Stevens to Spellman.

Unlike Jerramy Stevens, Alonzo Spellman has some pretty strong justification for getting arrested last month: he's a Buckeye. They can't help it. Here's The M Zone's write-up on Spellman's latest run-in with the law:

Former Buckeye first round draft pick Alonzo "I smile for mugshots" Spellman was arrested Wednesday in Tulsa after leading police on a chase which ended with the cops having to fire pepper-spray bullets into his vehicle after he refused to exit.

According to the AP story linked above, Spellman was booked into the Tulsa County Jail on complaints of eluding, assault with a deadly weapon on a police officer, resisting arrest and driving without a license.

Police said the most damning evidence against the ex-Tosu great was was the full Beard & Buckstache he was sporting at the time of his arrest.

Yost wasn't joking about the 'smiling for mugshots' thing. Just look at this goon's booking photo:

["Is this the free 5 o'clock crack giveaway?"]

Typical Buckeye meatball.


WSJ pooping Rickey's party.

Sadly, the Wall Street Journal recently decided to kill off one of the great stories from the career of Major League Baseball player Rickey Henderson. In avoidance of stealing someone else's thunder, follow this link to read The Big Lead's synopsis of The Journal's dastardly plans. For further reading on Rickey's career tales, see the Must-Reads section in the right sidebar for a link to The Definitive Rickey Henderson.

Clips

I'm not going to waste much time with the lead-ins. The clips in this selection stand on their own merits.


Berman Gone Wild.

Chances are most of you have seen the following footage already. Still, I would be remiss if it didn't make its way on to The Effrontery. It's an outtake from about 7 years ago, featuring Chris "He could. Go. All. The. Way." Berman getting pretty testy with the production crew during an ESPN taping. Enjoy:





In case the clip ever gets taken off YouTube, this Deadspin post has a permanent embed.


Election redux.

Déjà vu all over again:





Funny stuff. I'm not anti-Hillary, but there's a lot of Tracy Flick goin' on there.


Dance Dance RevObama.

Thanks galore to Joncheeler for sending me this clip from E!'s The Soup:





He's a maniac, maniac, on the floor. And he's dancing like he's never danced before. Hey, speaking of maniacs...


Stop The Insanity.

The Tom Cruise Scientology indoctrination video is old (insofar as entertainment news goes), but I watched it again today and am still amazed. What a wacko. Of course, those pesky Scientologists had it yanked off YouTube within a day, meaning that you must follow this link to the Defamer post with the permanent embed if you wish to view the madness of King Cruise.



Until next time.

That's all I've got for now. Not sure when I'll be able to resume regular posting, so I hope today's offering tides you over until then.

Peace and afro grease.

Remember When?

The purpose of "Remember When?" is to refresh our memories about people and events that, for one reason or another, have fallen through the cracks of recollection over time.

I'd like to turn this post into a running gimmick and periodically add new entries to the series, so suggestions are welcome and appreciated.

Now, after the jump...

Remember When: Maurice Clarett threw his life away?

[Buckeye born, Buckeye bred]

It all started in 2003, when Clarett was temporarily banned from playing NCAA football for getting his pockets lined with cash and then lying to investigators in order to protect a shady coach and program that exploited his talent and inherent stupidity:

He left on a Greyhound bus last May, without a goodbye, without anyone even flipping him the bird. He left unceremoniously, in the middle of the week, with one suitcase, one jacket and one championship he doubted was worth its weight in paper. He left behind the car dealerships, where he says the head coach got him SUVs. He left behind the library, where he says tutors got him bogus A's. He left behind the two-story homes, where he says he got paid for watching paint dry.

He left behind the stucco mansions, where he says boosters slipped him cash for playing Sega with their kids. And he left behind the horseshoe stadium, where he says one man in particular "sold me out."

That program? Ohio State University. That coach? Sweatervest. That hypocrisy:

"Ohio State created me," Maurice Clarett says right off the top. "They created what they suspended."

Then, after essentially being blackballed by the program that once coveted him so, Clarett felt it wise to sue the NFL for early entry into the 2004 draft--challenging the rule that a player must be out of high school three years to be eligible for the draft. He lost, of course, and then sat out the entire 2004 season only to show up for 2005 draft camps looking slow and overweight. The Denver Broncos were foolish enough to give him a look, then burned a late-round draft pick to secure his services. Naturally, Clarett got greedy--you know, after not having played in a real football game for 2 years--and decided to waive his signing bonus in lieu of a $230k contract loaded with performance incentives. The 4-year contract could have netted him about $7 million, but he chose to "get his goose on" and was cut during the pre-season:

The minute Clarett arrived in Denver, the team began to sour on him. At the airport, before flying from Colorado to the rookie symposium, he frantically called the Broncos, saying he'd left a brief case in his airport limo. But there was no brief case in there, just a water bag he always carried around. That's all right, he said, he wanted it.

He would take that water bottle everywhere, including the Bronco weight room, and the team started getting suspicious when, before minicamp practices, he'd grab the bottle and say, "I gotta get my Goose on." It wasn't a joke; the Bronco players were convinced he was chugging Grey Goose.

["Dana Jacobson ain't got nothing on me"]

After his brief stint with the Broncos, Clarett's career-death-spiral picked up momentum and didn't stop until the ex-Buckeye found himself engaged in a high-speed pursuit with several Ohio highway patrolmen. That chase led to this ESPN headline and article: "Police Use Mace On Clarett, Arrest Him After Chase":

Officers used Mace to subdue Clarett after a stun gun was ineffective because the former Fiesta Bowl star was wearing a bullet-resistant vest, Sgt. Michael Woods said.

"It took several officers to get him handcuffed," Woods said. "Even after he was placed in the paddy wagon, he was still kicking at the doors and being a problem for the officers."

Don't you just hate it when the stun gun is ineffective? Me too. Anyway, what the article left out was that three of those weapons were handguns, while the fourth was an AK-47 assault rifle. Jeebus. Not even Rambo had that kind of firepower.

[Things didn't go too well at the pre-draft combines]

How does every high-speed chase end? Right. In a courtroom:

["Who the hell hired Jay Mohr to be my attorney?"]

Clarett accepted a plea agreement in September 2006 and was sentenced to 3 1/2 years in prison for robbery and concealed weapons charges. He is currently serving out the duration of his sentence and, barring poor conduct, is set to be released some time during the middle of 2010.

The lesson in all this? Unless you plan on being a felon, don't start your "career" at Ohio State.

In case we forget...




...The Effrontery remembers when Maurice Clarett threw his life away.

Quick Hits

I'm all over the place today, so a few quick hits...


The Mallett. Possibly transferring? No. Definitely transferring:

Ryan Mallett's father said Wednesday the quarterback has left the Michigan football program...

The former Texas Class 4A offensive player of the year may end up at Tennessee, which is considering hiring former Michigan offensive coordinator Mike DeBord and quarterbacks coach Scot Loeffler.

Here's daddy on his son's decision:

"If they’re hired, that would be a real good possibility," Jim Mallett said. "Ryan really clicked with both coach DeBord and coach Loeffler during the last couple months of the season and during bowl practices, I’ve never seen Ryan throw the ball or read defenses as well as he did."

Soooo, you’re on record as saying he sucks? I mean, if this is the best his father has ever seen him play and practice, Mallett must have been super-awful his whole life--instead of just quasi-awful. He was horrendous this season, true freshman or not, and is a bona fide head case that the program can't afford to deal with in a transition year. Good riddance.


A2 staying in A2? Not so much:

"Today is a very emotional day for me," Adrian Arrington said in a statement released by the school. "As much as I will miss my teammates, friends and Michigan football family, I have always dreamed about playing in the NFL.

"I believe that I am ready to take on this challenge and move on to the next level. Though I will be catching passes in another city starting next fall, I will always be a Michigan man."

Sigh. No surprise there, but still. I'm saying AA will be a solid pro, and if he slips a bit in the draft and lands somewhere decent-to-good, he'll be a star.


Jay Bilas, deluded pederast. I'd ordinarily leave it at that, but Jim Carty does a fine job of breaking things down for you:

You can't take his criticisms seriously without wondering whether he truly believes what he's saying or just wants to hurt the school that hurt his friend.

Given that, it's probably time for someone at ESPN to suggest to Bilas that--after calling for athletic director Bill Martin's firing and now ripping a first-year coach who's in the midst of a rebuilding job--it's time to leave the Wolverines alone for a while.

And time for Michigan fans to turn somewhere else for serious analysis of their basketball program.

After defusing Bilas' misguided claims, Carty posted a follow-up from a local coach connected to both Tommy Amaker and John Beilein, which speaks to said pederast's bias:

I spent many days at Tommy Amaker practices and attended almost all of Beilein's practices this year before my season began. In my opinion, Michigan has gone from the West Michigan White Caps to the Detroit Tigers in terms of level of coaching. There simply is no comparison between these two gentlemen. Beilein will get it done at Michigan--when he has Big Ten players.

Hey, Jay? Why don't you and Ryan Mallett hop on a flight to Beantown and start fondling Tommy Amaker's balls [ed. note: no pun intended]. ASAP.

For further reading, I recommend this take from Brian at MGoBlog [ed. note: the relevant part comes midway through the post].


BCS Schadenfreude, revisited. The Columbus Dispatch has wonderful news for Rich Rodriguez and Co.:

Depending on how many juniors declare for the NFL draft, Ohio State could make a run at a third straight appearance in the national title game.

"A little bit of it will be determined by who ends up (leaving early)," Tressel said. "I'm guessing (defensive end) Vernon Gholston for sure, because being a fourth-year guy I don't know how much more he can enhance himself draft-wise...and I'm guessing maybe (linebacker James) Laurinaitis."

Siiiiiiiiiiiiiick.


Mom. So, I made the mistake of allowing my mother to read The Effrontery. Yeah. As a result, I'm starting to get e-mails like this one from Sunday:

Buon giorno, Chill,
Don't be an Eli-hater! He may not be there on 2/3/08, but he rocked today. (Flashes of his big-bro, but, yes, everyone already knows you are a Peyton-hater!) What happened to John Grudin [sic] this morning??? Is he still recovering from New Year's Eve?????? He seemed a bit comatose today.
xoxox

Whoa. Just whoa. I'm quite amused and a bit appalled all at once. So, I might as well respond, right? Without getting into the whole argument, yes, I'm a total Peyton-hater. And hate is indeed the correct word. To quote the famous Right Guard deodorant commercial, "Anything less would be uncivilized." Eli? Meh. I'm completely indifferent; to call me an Eli-hater would imply some level of interest--like, the way I am interested in seeing Peyton fail at every possible opportunity. The only thing I haven't figured out yet is whether or not I dislike PM more than Tony "Two-face" Dungy, the bigoted, intolerant charlatan who preaches goodwill towards man while openly condemning anyone who does not adhere to the tenets of his religious fundamentalism. Wait, I think we just figured out the answer. Still doesn't change the fact that my mom roots for the Colts when she could easily be cheering for a more noble cause. Like Tom Brady and the Pats.

As to being addressed as "Chill," well, it's better than "assface."


J Leman: Chuck Norris' worst nightmare. I linked to a superb post from Black Heart, Gold Pants about the extracurricular pursuits of one J Leman, All-American Hero. You can find it in the "This Just In..." section, but here's a teaser:

Leman's favorite infomercials are those hawking exercise products and kitchen gadgets, particularly the "Magic Bullet."

"It's the personal countertop magician," Leman said. "It can do anything in 10 seconds or less. It does it all."

J Leman is great.

Schadenfreude

! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! :

[What, no dap?]

[Linebacker Ali Highsmith clotheslines Todd Boeckman for spelling his last name like a jackass]

[Sweatervest is not pleased]

[The driver of this car is happy he declined to pay for the optional moon roof]

[Les Miles: "Well, Jim, you certainly looked much taller during that Chris Hansen special on Dateline NBC"]

["Waaahhoooooooooooo"]

[ed note: I'm not even bothering with a caption]

["Go get your fucking shine box"]

It's like Christmas around here, people. Which I guess would technically be Hanukkah for me. But why stop there? It feels a bit like Kwanzaa too. It's Chrismahanukwanzakah, the happiest day of the year!!!! Words are failing me right now, so here's what the media is saying...


From the Associated Press:

COLUMBUS, Ohio -- Fifteen people were arrested and several fires set around the Ohio State campus after the Buckeyes lost to LSU in the BCS championship game Monday night.

Most of the arrests were on charges of disorderly conduct or resisting arrest, though two were expected to be charged by arson investigations after trash bins were set on fire, police spokeswoman Amanda Ford said Tuesday. Between 10 and 12 fires were reported.

Trash bins set ablaze. I know Buckeye fans are retards, but why go and burn your home to the ground? With all those dumpster fires, where oh where is a weary Buckeye supposed to find adequate shelter?

Another from the AP:

NEW ORLEANS -- The sequel to Ohio State's horror film ended up looking an awful lot like the original.

About the only thing the Buckeyes seem good at is making sure there's no controversy over who is really the national champion.

You can't see me at the moment, but I'm nodding profusely.

I hate Pat Forde, and this article pretty much sucks, but it has one stretch of dialogue that is absolutely fantastic:

When the program's bowl record is 0-9 against the SEC, the evidence is overwhelming.

Buckeyes fans are fond of breaking into impromptu group spelling bees, shouting out "O-H-I-O." When an SEC team shows up on the other sideline it should be "O-H-N-O."

They're also fond of calling their school The Ohio State University. It might also now be called The Overmatched State University of the BCS.

Na Ha Ha!

Finally, from the AP again:

"I can't even wait to hear what they're going to be saying," offensive lineman Alex Boone said about the team's critics. "They might all just be saying we should go jump off a bridge or something."

That would be a nice start, Alex.

"It hurts tremendously," said Chris "Beanie" Wells, one of the few bright spots with 146 yards on 20 carries and a touchdown. "You can't compare it to anything. To go to the national championship twice and lose, it's incredible."

Incredibly awesome, bitch!



(photos courtesy of Getty Images and US Presswire)

Geaux Les Miles!

The argument goes like this: if you are a Michigan fan, it is important to root for Ohio State against LSU in tonight's MNC because "it's a Big 10 thing."

Incredibly, some Michigan fans are actually buying into this crap logic--including Yost at The M Zone, whom I normally have much admiration for:

It's a Big 10 thing. Michigan knocked off Florida and a Buck defeat of the Bayou Bengals would go a long way toward shutting people up about SEC superiority and the Big 10's alleged decline (well, all except Drew Sharp).

The only reasonable point there is the one about Drew Sharp. Total asshat. Beyond that, his logic as a Michigan fan is completely and utterly out of whack. What's more important, keeping the SEC from bragging about its alleged superiority for a year--a totally subjective argument--or keeping Ohio State fans from forever bragging about their third appearance and second MNC victory in 6 years? It's not even close.

Any good will that Ohio State fans built up by pulling for Michigan against Florida warrants no recompense when a National Title is at stake. Furthermore, the fact that Michigan went out and beat the SEC's 'speed, spread and shred' poster boy in its back yard is proof enough that the myth of SEC superiority over all of college football is just that--a myth. I don't need to see Ohio State win another goddamn MNC to feel better about my conference or my school. For the life of me, I don't know why any self-respecting Michigan fan would feel otherwise.

Then there's the Les Miles thing. Please, can we get a moratorium on people accusing him of making our program look bad? Sailboat Bill Martin made the program look bad, then saved face by pulling a Rodriguez--er, rabbit--out of his Maize and Blue hat. The presumption that Miles harbors some animosity towards Michigan might be valid, but only because he wanted dearly to come home. He's coaching to win the biggest game of his career, not to rub victory in the faces of UofM loyalists, as The M Zone suggests:

...he'll probably then hold another press conference after the game announcing he's not coming to Michigan to rub it in.

I love The M Zone and will continue reading it regularly, but I just couldn't let that post go by without making my point. The sports adage I will always abide by is this: "My two favorite teams are Michigan and whoever is playing Ohio State." That Michigan Man Les Miles is coaching against my hated rival only makes rooting easier. He would be saving us a from a lifetime of incontrovertible bragging. So, save us Les, save us:

(credit: Michigan Against The World)

Buckeyes are browneyes.

UPDATE (2:12 PM): Speak of the devil, Drew Sharp apparently feels that Michigan fans will be rooting for OSU; Michigan Against The World disagrees.