There is a fifth dimension beyond that which is known to man. It is a dimension as vast as space and as timeless as infinity. It is the middle ground between light and shadow, between science and superstition, and it lies between the pit of man's fears and the summit of his knowledge. This is the dimension of imagination. It is an area which we call... The Twilight Zone!"
-Rod Serling
Soooo, we're there, right? The Twilight Zone. It's a parallel universe, so things don't appear much different. That is what's going on, right? Everything still looks and sounds the same. The coffee I purchased this morning from the lobby kiosk in my office building still tastes like diarrhea water. LA is still a traffic-riddled cesspool of opulence, vanity, and phony status-seekers...
Yet the Patriots lost a game--no, THE game--last night. Actually, they didn't lose the Super Bowl so much as the Giants took it from them.
What in the name of the Burgess Meredith's ghost is going on here?!?!
I'm asking because I clearly have no idea. And neither do you. If you were one of the few people who picked--not rooted for, but actually picked--the Giants to win in advance of the game, it was based on one of two factors: 1) You harbor some dislike for the Patriots organization, or Bill Belichick, or Tom Brady, or the persona of a defiant winner in an age of parity, OR 2) You are a die-hard New York Giants fan who hates all things New England. And in both cases, the pick would have been made based on pure sentimentality. That is, you didn't pick the Giants because you looked at the matchup on paper and said, "yup, Tom Brady never elevates his game in the Super Bowl...Belichick can't coach for piss...Randy Moss is slower than Aaron Ross...Eli Manning never gives away games...Antonio Pierce isn't a douchebag...David Tyree will own Rodney Harrison and Asante Samuel when it matters most...and Tom Coughlin is the master of in-game adjustments." Trust me, nobody said stuff like that. Point is, there are very few people on the planet--including most within the Giants organization--that truly expected the Giants to beat the Pats.
Back to The Twilight Zone. That's the only explanation I have. We're in The Twilight Zone. And to that end, I can only accept what happened last night as ugly reality--but reality nonetheless. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and what went down in Glendale, AZ was some frustrating, horrific, unexpected, ludicrous, and illogical beauty. In all my life as a sports fan, the only similar moment I can conjure took place just about 18 years ago this month. Interestingly, the events of February 1990 were equally Twilight Zoney: Nelson Mandela was about to be freed from prison after a 27-year incarceration and Mike Tyson--"the baddest man on the planet"--was in Tokyo, Japan preparing for his 10th heavyweight title defense against an unheralded, 42-1 longshot named James "Buster" Douglas. Yes, that Buster Douglas. Tyson was in his fourth year as World Heavyweight Champion and unbeaten in 37 professional fights, 33 of them resulting in a knock out. His date with destiny--a big-ticket fight against then-No. 1 contender Evander Holyfield--was slated to take place a short time after Tyson's tune-up in Tokyo. Then a funny thing happened on the way to the Tokyo Dome... Buster Douglas never got the memo.
Such was the case yesterday, when the New York Giants failed to receive a similar 'memo' on their way to The University of Phoenix Stadium [ed. note: what the hell is the deal with The University of Phoenix? I mean, a school without a campus or student union somehow has a stadium equipped to showcase BCS games and a Super Bowl?? What's going on with that???]. The Patriots had their date with destiny locked up. But as with Tyson, destiny had other plans and the most unlikely of champions emerged--Buster Douglas in February of 1990, then Eli Manning in February of 2008. Tyson sent Douglas to the canvas in the eighth round of their fight, but "Buster" got up and composed himself enough to deliver the knock out blow in the 10th. Shades of Brady hitting Randy Moss for the go-ahead touchdown with under three minutes to play, then watching the G-men head down the field for one of their own. The parallels are eerie and leave me scrambling for rationale, only to find myself situated in some sort of dimension "beyond that which is known to man."
Anyway, I won't bore you with analysis or redundant recaps--that crap is everywhere and you're probably sick of it by now. Instead, here are a few random thoughts that I've had over the past 24 hours:
- GrrrraaaaarrrCraaapppFACEMELTINGGGgGgggaAAAAAAaaarrgggghhh.
- The Giants won that game. No other way to look at it. Sure, one could say that the Pats 'folded' and 'blew' a gargantuan opportunity. But as Tom Brady indicated in his post-game presser, it wasn't a matter of the Pats being out of shape or under prepared. They just got beat.
- Bill Belichick failed to make the necessary in-game adjustments on offense.
- The much-maligned Patriots defense held its opponent to 17 points in a Super Bowl.
- The much-ballyhooed Patriots offense posted its lowest point total of the season, with 14.
- New York fans are annoying when they win anything.
- The Giants converted three third down opportunities during the game's first series, the longest opening drive in Super Bowl history.
- Tom Brady was sacked 5 times on Sunday--the most allowed by the Patriots during any one game this season--compared to 24 in his previous 18 games.
- I took solace in knowing that the Patriots weren't the biggest loser of the night. No, that title goes to Tiki Barber, who will have no ring because he is such a pompous ass.
- The only bit of sweetness in this bitter, bitter pill is Well Dressed Amani Toomer getting himself a Lombardi Trophy for the living room.
- Eli Manning is better than Peyton Manning. Well, maybe not. But you can't altogether dismiss that contention, and that is precisely my point.
- The "Manning Luxury Suite" is one of the worst things in professional sports. Bar none.
- I've yet to accept living in a world where Eli Manning has a Super Bowl title under his belt, but I'll have to eventually. However, I will never ever by okay with Antonio Pierce having one as well. He is by faaaaaaaaar the one player I wanted to see stretchered off the field with a broken fibula protruding through his tube sock. Alas, no dice. He evaded any possible career-ending injuries and won the Super Bowl to boot, making me doubly angry.
- Cooper Manning is the new Tito.
- We've got (at least) one more year of the '72 Dolphins, Mercury Morris and this jackassery [ed. note: the whole clip is priceless, but move to the 2:48 mark for the real magic]:
- That may be what bothers me the most.
- Finally, I'm glad Bob Knight picked tonight to resign from coaching, thus deflecting some attention away from the post-Super Bowl coverage ESPN would ordinarily be running on this otherwise dead sports night.
