So I'm watching American Gladiators right now...
Noooo. Not that American Gladiators [1989-1997]. I'm talking about the New American Gladiators [2008- ], hosted by none other than this mustachioed marvel:
When I was a little kid, circa 1992, I was obsessed with the show. Never missed an episode, had a "Nitro" action figure (complete with pugil stick and helmet, I might add), and even went to a live taping at Universal Studios on a YMCA summer camp field trip [ed note: that experience happened to be a complete disaster, but it didn't color my disposition towards the show in the slightest]. Well, as pissed off as I was when it went off the air, I was just as stunned when I saw a commercial the other day announcing its return. "Are you serious?" was my reaction. Followed by a "the Hulkster's hosting it?!?!...with Laila Ali?"
I didn't want it back. It was perfect the first time. I want Mike Adamle and Larry Csonka, the Csonka-strator, Crunch Time. Remember that "Two Scoops" guy? No? Well, fuck you. I remember him, and he was awesoooome. Best contestant ever. Point is, American Gladiators is coming back and no matter how disastrous the outcome, I simply had to tune in.
Um, did I say disastrous? I meant, !!~!TOTALLY STUPENDOUS!~!! The New American Gladiators is a keeper in my book, primarily because the producers brought back most of the original events--like power-ball. I really do miss the B-list sports anchor/former NFL player hosting combo, but I'll never ask for my money back with The Amazing Thunder Lips. Even better, though, was a snippet of dialogue I caught taking place between a referee and a contestant during an event called "The Gauntlet." The contestant was making his way down a plexiglass halfpipe, attempting to evade some 'roided out Gladiators, and threw a half-hearted punch to push one of them back. This prompted a referee to leave the sideline and briefly stop the competition, warning the contestant:
Don't be playing cheap, son...no more giving him the business like that...
New American Gladiators, you had me at "business."
Perhaps my favorite bit of professional referee dialogue ever--EVER--is this call from 1986:
The fact that the term "giving him the business" is now acceptable referee verbiage and commonplace in the world of sports & entertainment just makes me smile inside. It reminds me of why I love sports. Honestly. For further proof, here's a sequence that took place just this past November:
Ahhhh, all warm and tingly. Tell me you're not smiling.
Thank you, Ron Cherry. And thank you, New American Gladiators Referee Guy. Whether or not you meant it as an homage to Ben Dreith is of little concern to me. The beauty is the call itself. It's here to stay, and I suggest you all watch the show so it sticks around too.
Oh, and you have to check out the remix:
